this is where it ends…

i think it is kind of obvious that this blog is actually coming to an end. after 4 or was it 5 years, i think is time to put this blog to rest. as the saying goes, everything must comes to an end. however, this does not mean the end for me to blog.

the world is round, and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning

this is the ending of a beginning, the beginning of an ending is over my new blog A rumination of life. So, change your link folks.

I won’t close down this blog, it will always be here as long as blogger permit it existence. It is part of me, I’m part of it. Is who I am. 

THE END

this is where it ends…

to the order of the night…

with a jolt, i awoke from my sleep. i must have fallen asleep for a few minutes and this is not good, waking up in the middle of the night. i searched for my handphone and with a touch the screen flicker to life. 1.20am. definitely not good! i need sleep. pulled my blanket over and closed my eyes, counting imaginary sheep jumping over the fence one by one.

10mins passed by, still counting. screwed it! i’m hungry anyway. switch on the light. opened my room’s door and tip toe down to the kitchen. grab a glass and poured myself a glass full of milk. stuff one chocolate cookies into my mouth while grabbing a few more and put it in the plate. i’m back to the room. 

scrolled my ipod. Cocorosie, no. Fanfarlo, no. Seabear, no. Azure Ray, yes! picked up “the monk who sold his ferrari”…wait, i just finished this right before i slept. put down. picked up ‘eat, pray, love’. interesting! 26 pages after…i’m sleepy. off the light. pulled the blanket over me again.

20mins later. agrh! kcuf this shit! tip toe down again. switch on the laptop. grab my towel. hot shower. done. wait for hair to dry. hmm…let’s blog about this. is 3.14am at the time of writing.

desperately need to grab a few eyes shut. need to wake up at 6.30am. 7am church. is early. i know. insane! on a sunday morning! INSANE!

i wish i have sleeping pills :(

to the order of the night…

memories of a film…

Pardon me MIA-ing for so long from my blog. Assignments is pawning me at the moment. But, I did have a few moments of break away from my studies. Hanging out with my friends at Sepang Gold Coast, a buffet dinner at tao’s, clubbing night at G6 and tao’s lounge bar and several yam cha sessions.

anyway, here is the pic from gold coast using my golden half, Chelsea Maika…

 

 

 

 

  

in my hostel…

and this is a few pic from my smena 8m…

 

 

 

 

* click on the pics for bigger size*

memories of a film…

july come and take this heart away…

is 6.11am at the time of posting and i just woke up from a long night sleep. (slept at 9pm) is absolutely fantastic. it has been ages that i can sleep through all night long. i really can’t remember when was the last time i actually slept at night especially at a time in between 10pm-3am. this is an epic moment, i telling you. i guess my body finally give in to all the long hours that i spend for the past few months. then, with the assignments that i was rushing for the past few days have totally worn me out.

i have never been so tired ever since i came here. the only time i feel like this was back in between 2008-2009 where i was juggling between work and college both full time. yes, full time! thinking back, i was quite amazed by myself that i managed to pull it off. but it does comes with a price though, my health was compromise and  deteriorate.  i was calling in for sick every month. everyday, just slept for 3-4 hours. i looked like something that come out from a low budget hollywood zombie movie.

anyhow, right now i still have 5 assignments that due on next friday and 2 test on next week. week 11 is a cursed week. i am really wondering how am i going to pull through next week. still, i believe next saturday i will look back and look what i have gone through and ask myself what happened between here and there.

like it or not, time comes and goes and we are like the mice on the wheel that keep on running until one day we collapse and our presence forever gone. our existence will be so minuscule that it is not worth to be remembered. unless, you are like martin luther king, napolean bonaparte or qin shi huang. we are all the victim of time.

so, seize the day my fellow folks. carpe diem as the captain said…

july come and take this heart away…

Chelsea Maika…how can i ever stop loving you?

Yes, i am in love with a girl. So much for being gay. Oh well, life is unpredictable anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me show you my love.

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Golden Half Chelsea Maika (special edition)

My third lomo camera.

This camera is way smaller than I had imagine! Very very small that it fit perfectly in my pocket. I guess I shall call it ‘a pocket full of surprises’. Way smaller than my Smena 8m, and White Slim Angel. Woot! Can’t wait to finish up the roll of films to see how the pics turn out.

I shall let the pics do the talking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

say cheese!

Chelsea Maika…how can i ever stop loving you?

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

*a lot of swearing ahead. you had been warned*

 

I need a hit man! Seriously! I need to fucking kill someone!!!! I am so fucking angry furious! By now, my friends should know what happened cause I have been ranting in my facebook account until someone left a comment that she is going to detach my ‘caps lock’. Lol!!!! 

I am not going into details right now. But seriously, this is the first time I met a guy that is so so so! wimpy and weak!!!! I know is hard to go through a break up but this is so fucking over! The world would be better off if he dies! At least in my world! Because I have been the collateral damage of his break up! DAMN WTF!!!!!! Every night I have to hear all his nonsense for the past 1 month!!!! Keep asking me for advice yet at the end all is vain when he still being stubborn like a mule! Go fuck yourself can? Why come seek for my advice everyday when you don’t want to listen? And stop asking me why and how!!!

The answer is simple she dumped you cause she no longer sees any hopes in the relationship! Move on!!!!!

DUDE!!!! She already DUMPED you like a fucking trash! Why do you still want to bother about her?!?! Don’t give me the shit, when you love someone you shouldn’t give up hopes so easily! C’mon!!!! When you have no ideas when is your final, when is your presentation, when is your due date for assignments it shows that something is fucking wrong with you already! Your life have been revolving around her so much that you lost yourself. Is that what you want? Is that what love is all about? When you gave up so many things and sacrificed so much for her yet she don’t appreciate it! You are like a moon circling the earth totally ignoring your life and the world behind you.

You are holding on to a burning charcoal!

You want to jump? Fine go ahead!!!! I don’t fucking care anymore! I have done all I can. Ultimately is your choice. Is your life, you choose to live or die is completely up to you. Honestly, I don’t think you have the gut to do so. Killing yourself need a lot of courage than you think and seeing you like this such a pansy wimpy person. Nah! I doubted it.

And that girl is a FUCKING BITCH also!!!

What you want BITCH!!!! If you don’t want to be with him anymore just firmly said NO!!!!! Just fucking kills his hopes!!!!

Don’t when he chase you back you told him you still love him. Then the next day told him, I don’t want you anymore.

Don’t tell him to take care of himself or send goodnight sms-es and tell him ‘my heart very pain see you like this’! The next day tell him don’t find you anymore!

Don’t hold his head when he finds you and told him that he is getting thinner and you feel bad! The next day completely ignored him!

Don’t fucking give him any false hopes!!!!!!!

AND don’t let me saw you cause I will so fucking scold/punch/slap/kick you! Because you have made my life suffered for the past one month with your nonsense and his nonsense! Enough is ENOUGH!

You two fucking go fuck yourself!

Don’t tell me! or ask me! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!!!

 

 

NOW FUCK OFF!!!

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!

so why don’t you feel my sorrow…

this song made my heart weep. i posted it before over and over again.  but i guess this is like the song that i go to when i am really really down.

 

My all time favourite indie singer.

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've know
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

so why don’t you feel my sorrow…